The Ticket Nazi

originally written on 3/31/06

The last check is filled out. With utter disgust running through my veins, I slap the parking ticket and 35 dollars into an envelope and seal it up. At this moment in time I really want to throw up on my self. This is the fourth ticket this month, all parking. I could start my own god damn business by now with all the fucking money Nassau county has relentlessly sucked out of my wallet through the years. As I drive to the post office to drop off the payments of these tickets, I have half a mind to bang a right turn down to the courthouse and randomly kick someone in the throat. This is complete and utter bullshit. Someone please tell me how is it possible that with all the money we cough up to this town, village, state, country and whoever the fuck else, I can’t even park in front of MY OWN HOUSE without getting ass fucked by the town for 35 bucks. Give me a god damn break.

The real kick in the ball bag here is the puttz giving out the tickets in my town has a name for himself. I have a few names for him as well, but they aren’t nearly as nice. I must warn you, this is so idiotic and retarded I suspect you are not going to believe what I am about to say. He calls himself “The Ticket Nazi.” Forget the fact that he is pathetic enough to make up a nickname for himself. That is bad enough, but on top of that he actually calls himself a nazi. Oh god. No you can’t make this shit up. I’m about to track this punk down and leg drop his candy ass after swiftly kicking him right in the bunt. “But only girls have bunts right?!” most of you just said to yourself. Well there you go; you just answered your own question. So the self proclaimed ticket Nazi is running rapid around the town ticketing everyone and everything in site like a fucking lunatic, the real pathetic part is the fact that the majority of violations are absolutely asinine. No…. you couldn’t make this up if you tried. For instance in front of my house there is a no parking from 3-5 in the morning (this violation makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? WHAT THE FUCK IS ANYONE DOING FROM 3-5 IN THE MORNING THAT MAKES THIS TICKET OR SIGN AT ALL RELEVANT!!!??? The answer is nothing. The street sweepers and garbage men are all still snoring and beer farting on their wives unshaven legs at this point), and if I forget one night because I’m drunk off my ass passed out on my couch with some girls lipstick tattooed on my genitals, this guy is such an out of control pole smoker that garunteed he will have a ticket on my car by 3:01. What a fucking ass clown this guy is. If I ever catch him on the street out of uniform I will not hesitate to fire him head first into a fucking brick wall and violate those tickets up his candy ass. Get a life dude please, if not you’re going to get hurt.

You know the ticketing system in general is a major grade a fuck up if you ask me. Just look at the new sign I have up in front of my house right next to the other 15 titled “2 hour parking Monday through Friday bla say fucking bla.” This sign is obviously put up because I happen to live a few blocks from the train station and dick heads park their ugly cars in front of other people’s houses causing the home owners to complain to the town. By the way it’s mostly old ladies complaining because everyone else is at fucking work and doesn’t have the time to bitch and moan to the town about some lime green Monty Carlo from 1982 ruining the view of their bird fountains. Well because of these complaints the town then turned around a put this sign up to keep this from continuing, but what these fucking ignoramuses didn’t realize was this would dick all the home owners over not allowing anyone to park in front of their own dam houses. You see if the town had anyone of semi intelligence working for them, what they would do is simply give out stickers with your home address on them. You put the sticker on your window and the police can see if you are parked in front of your own home or not. If you and your ugly ass car don’t belong their then sure enforce the 2 hour parking, BUT If you do belong and life their and so forth, I think I speak for everyone when I say we should be left the fuck alone! Fuck off.