lawwhng guylend Part 1

Long Island. My birthplace. My home for all 28 years on this wonderful little blue marble floating through space. It was such a pleasant place to be at one point. What the fuck happend? When did it become such an annoying place to live? Was it always like this? Maybe. Or am I just getting older and more annoyed with everything in general? This is a possibility. I will tell you one thing that I am sure of, the traffic is absolutely positively...putrid. Seriously, and it gets worse and worse every year. It is so bad I actually sit at my desk at work and contemplate whether or not I should work some overtime. I will tell you this, it sure beats sitting behind some twat yacht on her cell phone going 3 miles hour riding her brakes while she yells at her dumb kids on the way to soccer practice. Oh yea and if you are lucky enough to avoid rear ending that bitch on her cell phone in front of you...Then look to your right and there is a middle aged guy sitting in a mercedes sl500 talking on his blue tooth cell phone to the 3 supermodels that are probably waiting for him in a hot tub filled with vanilla pudding. The guy could give two shits. Watch out because when the traffic lets up, he will be the one to change lanes with no blinker or even looking. And no, traffic does not matter when you are rich, in fact not much does exept your health. That is why you see a big fat smile on his face, he is sitting motherfuckin pretty. Then you look to your left and you guessed it, some light skinned bundle of joy dressed like he's 50 cent, blasting Ja rule at 9000 decibals in his '99 honda civic with a sound system that sounds like it needs a bottle of metamucil. All you have to do is look at his face and you can feel how amazing he thinks he is. And by golly he has a right to! I mean he upgraded his exaust (he now has a wopping 146 horsepower) and bought a 12" speakerbox from circuit city (they had a good sale). Come on y'all you know he don't play games! He a playa yo! He gangsta!!! I know I know, how painfull this all is. Now let me calm your nerves.. oh wait. Shit. Look in your rear view, a cop is behind you. God damnit! Ok slowly do the reachover and put that seatbelt on. Did he see you? You can't tell if he is going to pull you over or if he is just fucking with you. It is at this point you suddenly remember you left that roach clip in your ashtrash from last night. Woopsie. Yes I know, you never catch a break. You know there is nothing like a nice relaxing ride home on the LIE. Well maybe waterboarding may give a similar human emotion response. What a wonderful expressway it is. Then you have the Northern state. I wouldn't even go there a tsunami was heading for the island and that was the only escape. I'd rather drown and then have battery acid poured on my eyes.

The Last Supper

So here I am about to have some grub and saying my goodbyes (not to you to the peeps with which I am currently employed). Last day of work. My job has been "outsourced" my duties no longer deemed necessary. Yea I should be pissed, but I'm really not. Lets face it, people are getting laid off everyday and with big ass corporations outsourcing to foreign countries for cheaper rates it's becoming more and more the norm. When I found out last month the end of the road was coming, I started doing some serious thinking. I had a revelation if you will. Over the last 5 years I have been working just for a paycheck, no passion, no thrill, no glory. Just for the money. I have plenty of passions in my life, but those are which I spend money on, not get money from(unfortunately). So I hope to find a path or righteousness. Wish me well.

Happy Valentines Day...suckers

As Valentine's day aproaches I start to think about my last relationship. The phone call I recieved at 1:30 in the morning on that friday. Hearing her voice speak that phrase phrase we've all either said or heard before (for me both), "I can't do this anymore." We spoke for a few minutes after that (my last ditch effort to get her to change her mind) and she hung up. I never heard from her again. So after 3 years of dating this girl, all the time we shared together, BANG! it ending like me crashing my mazda 3 into a brick wall at 120mph. That was it. So I moped around for a little while feeling sorry for myself. Not because I wasn't with her anymore because I knew that was for the best. It was more my battered ego. How could the girl that was unconditionally in love with me last month now decide to break up with me? I don't get it. So anyway I was a little bitch for about a month and then I started going out and searching for members of the opposite sex again. Wow I sucked. I didn't realize how much game I had lost being in a relationship for that long. Yikes. My game was so bad strippers were shutting me down. Anyway long pathetic story short I eventually got my shit together. Scored a couple of smoking hot chicks and was on top of the world again. My swagger was back, as mad dog says I was loosey goosey. Now I look back two years later and when I think back to that time of my life it's all good. It was what it was, some good times some bad but just wasn't meant to be. Nowadays I'm content being single, as a matter of fact I'm nausiated by couples.

Last night I saw a girl I used to date back in the day. Beautifull Brazilian chick, I mean super hot. I was 19 when we dated and like every 19 year old kid, the last thing I gave a shit about was a girlfriend. So I pretty much treated her like shit even though I really did like her i guess it was just bad timing. When I saw her my first thought was, maybe this is my second chance to set it off. We talking shortly and the next thing i know she was shoving her tongue down some losers throat. Am I the only dude that is discusted by this? There is a time and place for shit like that, no one wants to watch you suck face with some dude in the middle of a bar. If it was girl on girl different story but it wasn't. So get a fuckin room assholes.

With Valentines day quickly aproaching I'm sick of it already. All the commercials, jewelary, restaurants, clothes, stuffed teddy bears, candy. Shove it all up your ass. It's so funny how stupid people really are. All this is, is one big commercial ploy to sell you their shit. And you stupid assholed eat it up. You are all pathetic sheep, and the sad thing is you are content with your ignorance. It's really funny.

So that night when your girlfriend catches you staring at the waitresses cleavage and goes off on a tangent just think of me. Cause I'll be the dude sitting at the table next to you eating with a girl I'll probably never talk to again after she takes me back to her place and rides me like a wild animal. Happy Valentines day....suckers